


Pollux and Castor

by NanakiBH



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Banter, External Prostate Massage, Family, Incest, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Naked Cuddling, Post-Canon, Reminiscing, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-06 02:03:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4203774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We are Gemini, drawn to each other from across the sky.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I thought about the Castor and Pollux blades a little bit too deeply and ended up here somehow.
> 
> I planned for this to go somewhere explicit, but I wanted to switch POV for that since I began this from Elle's perspective. So look forward to that. This first part could practically be read on its own as gen. lol

“We're supposed to be meeting Milla today,” Elize told her.

Alvin had failed to fill her in on what they were going to be doing for this job. The more she heard from Elize, the less it sounded like a job and more like a meeting of their friends. Alvin didn't have to go out of his way to lie about it if that's all it were. It had been a long time since all of them had been gathered together in one place. Unfortunately, though it would've been the perfect time for them to meet, the signing of the treaty between the two nations was so heavily guarded that they hadn't even been able to get near to see it with their own eyes. Many of the others had been busy that day, anyway... It felt like everyone was always busy lately. A few of them got together for jobs, but rarely were they all together.

“Milla, huh?” Elle repeated, thinking to herself out loud.

She was alright... Their Milla. Though the memories were distant now, she still remembered the big and little differences between their Milla and the one who came from another dimension. That dimension was long gone now, and she was gone too, but Elle doubted that she could ever forget her. She never wanted to forget her. If she did, she feared that her Milla would fade from the world as if she'd never been there at all, even the memory of her erased.

After she saw how important their Milla was to Jude, Elle began to understand. It took her a while to separate her feelings of jealousy from it, though. There was something painful about seeing the two of them looking at each other so fondly when her Milla was nowhere to be found, like they didn't have the right to act so happy when someone else had to vanish for their sake.

But that was how it felt when she thought about him, too – about Ludger.

For a while, it hurt to see any of them smiling when it felt like there was a cold rain falling relentlessly on her heart. Even when they were with her, the hole in her heart was filled up with muddy water, and, before she knew it, she felt like she was suffocating, drowning. It had been scary without her daddy, but once Ludger was gone as well, she really felt alone. He promised her that there were things that would remain even without him there, but those words didn't feel sufficient when the people she longed to see most were gone.

That was why, when she was alone, she began to hum that song. It reminded her so much of him and her daddy that it hurt, but she tried to believe in its purpose. Wherever they were, as long as she hummed that song, her feelings would find them. Her longing would be carried on its melody and reach their ears somewhere beyond the clouds.

That simple song did more for her than any condolences the others imparted. Though it was probably just her imagination, she sometimes thought that she could hear someone else humming it at night as she laid her head upon her pillow.

He had promised to come back someday. She didn't understand how he could say something like that with such confidence, but she never stopped believing. That was why it was difficult for her to stay sad for too long. She didn't know what she was supposed to do to create her own world, but, as long as she kept living honestly, seeking happiness, watching her friends' dreams blossom, she had the feeling that her dream would be fulfilled one day, too.

“We haven't seen Milla for a long time,” Elize said cheerfully as they made their way through the crowded station. Elize had grown considerably, and she was still taller than Elle, but she was still the same girl she was back then. Then again, she had always acted mature for her age. “I wonder why she's back this time. Alvin, did she tell you why she wanted everyone to come see her? I hope there isn't any trouble...”

“Huh?” Alvin glanced down at her with an unguarded expression, like he hadn't been fully paying attention. Nothing had really changed there. He shaved the beard off for a while, but it was back again now. Though he was a successful business man, he had enough flexible hours on hand to do many jobs with them. He certainly wasn't hurting for money anymore. Now, he could finally afford all those fancy suits he liked so much.

Elle laughed. “Jeez, Alvin, pay attention. Elize wanted to know what Milla called us all together for.”

He scratched at the scruff on his chin and looked aside. “O-oh, yeah, about that... It's-” Time for some of Alvin's famous improvising. “It's supposed to be a surprise! If I tell you, it's just going to spoil it. It's one of those 'gotta see it with your own eyes to believe it' kind of things. To be honest, I'm a little disappointed that Jude told me why she wanted to see us. Now I won't have the same kind of reaction you guys are gonna have.”

That sounded... strange. But heck if it didn't make Elle feel even more curious to find out what Milla wanted to show them.

Hearing a meow from behind her, Elle looked back and found Pollo trying to get her attention.

Rollo was falling behind again.

Telling Alvin and Elize to wait a second, she ran back and picked up Rollo before he could get trampled by the crowd. She really wanted to keep bringing him with her on jobs. It didn’t feel right to leave him by himself in the apartment while they were out doing all the things they used to do with him, but he was reaching the age where it was difficult for him to keep up. She could tell that he really wanted to keep going. He wanted to create that ideal world with her too, but she was starting to worry that he might not live long enough to see its completion.

“How's he doing?” Elize asked, reaching over to gently pet Rollo's head once Elle was between them.

Rollo let out an exhausted and somewhat annoyed meow, and Elle laughed. “Well, he's still just as heavy,” she said, using all her strength to keep him in her arms. At least she was stronger than when she first met him. Back then, she had to drag him from place to place. “Sometimes I think that Rollo's immortal, honestly. He's the oldest, fattest cat I've ever seen. He's slower now, but he still seems healthy. The vet's always suggested that he lose some weight, but they found nothing wrong with him besides.”

“That's amazing,” Elize said in awe. As she continued walking, she leaned down and held her hands out for Pollo, and he eagerly leapt into her arms.

It was nice like this sometimes, when it was just her and a few of her friends along with Rollo and Pollo. They hadn't had a new member of their group for the longest time until Pollo came along. None of them had stopped for long enough to settle down and have a family yet. She kind of hoped that it could always be this way.

As Alvin held open the doors for them to make their exit, he looked at the two of them with a rare sort of soft smile and said, “It's probably a good thing you brought them along today.”

She was about to ask him what he meant, but Elize was already talking before she could say a thing, and, after a minute, her thought had been completely lost anyway. Milla wanted them to meet on the Rieze Harbor side of Marksburg, but they had arrived from the Elym station, so they had a bit of walking to do before they'd get there. Her curiosity was building with each step they took toward the other side, but Elize was able to keep her distracted on the way there as they checked out all of the shops along the bridge. They didn't want to keep Milla and the others waiting, but they hadn't been on the bridge in a while, and there was always something new to see. Once it was discovered that the Bunnykins dolls were being made with poached monster fur, the company that made them faced a harsh lawsuit. After the fall of Bunnykins, a whole slew of new dolls appeared to fill the apparent void and she and Elize became collectors.

Since Elle was carrying Rollo, she wasn't going to have a free hand to hold a bag, but she spied a few cute new dolls she was interested in. There was one in particular – a blue cat with a yellow tie. She checked the tag on its ear, but it didn't have a name. All the better, she decided. On their way back, she wanted to get that one.

Alvin just followed behind them quietly, seeming satisfied with humoring them with their hobby. They weren't able to make it off the bridge without Elize purchasing at least five pink things.

Being on the Rieze Maxia side of Marksburg always made Elle feel nervous. The Elym port, the bridge, and the Rieze port all had their own atmosphere, but she couldn't help but feel more at home on the Elympios side. It wasn't that she had any particular problem with Rieze Maxia, but being around that side of Marksburg always reminded her of what happened there, when the sky had darkened and she'd been dragged across a bridge made from the soul of a person she'd thought was their enemy until the moment she saw the expressions on his face; fury, horror, and, worst, a sense of abject helplessness. Seeing those feelings reflected in Rideaux's eyes, she had realized that she felt the same way. She'd spent a long time saying that she wanted to go to the Land of Canaan, but that moment had made her realize that she was terrified of it.

Ludger came to rescue her, but when she returned to that port...

“Alright. Looks like everybody's here.”

Not everybody, Elle was sure.

When they got to the other side, she let her eyes scan the crowd of people and was rather surprised when her eyes first fell on the Rieze Maxian king and prime minister. Right behind them, casually resting her arms over Gaius's shoulders as she floated in the air, was Muzét. Those three were attracting quite a bit of attention, but Jude also had his own beginnings of a fanclub surrounding him; people who were excited to meet the man who had created the precious spyrites that they had hopping around at their sides.

As soon as she saw them, Leia waved to them, and Elle and Elize began walking toward the group, following Alvin.

Looking harder, Elle finally spotted Milla. She was dressed a little differently again, so she hadn't recognized her at first. She probably had to have another thirty meetings with the Four to determine what she should wear for this occasion. She appeared to be standing with two other people, but they didn't look like anyone familiar from afar. Elle didn't have to think very hard to come to the conclusion that they might be the reason why Milla had gathered them. As they got closer, Elle realized that they looked like Spirits.

Well, they had to be. The one was floating.

Before they made it the rest of the way, Leia ran up to greet them. Seeing her charging forward with her arms outstretched, Elle had the feeling that she was in for a violent hug, so she placed Rollo on the ground before Leia came in and tackled her.

“You aren't going to believe it, Elle!” Leia said. Her voice was so excited that it sounded like she was on the verge of tears. “It's really them! This is... This is the story of a century!”

Rollo, who was normally too tired to even beg for food lately, suddenly started to run at a speed Elle didn't even think he was capable of anymore. Still wrapped tightly in Leia's arms, she watched where he was running. At first, she thought he was excited to see Milla for some reason, but he ran straight past her and jumped into the arms of one of the Spirits next to her.

“Who...?”

“Come on!” Leia grabbed her by the arm and started dragging her along behind her. Pollo jumped out of Elize's arms and ran after his father, and Elize followed him in dismay. Sparing a glance behind herself, Elle caught Alvin giving them another one of those rare smiles. He tried to hide it a second later, rubbing at the back of his neck awkwardly, but she could tell that he was really happy.

She knew better than to get her hopes up. That was why it was such a surprise.

Standing in the same spot where Julius's bridge had been laid were two Spirits who bore an undeniable resemblance to the people she had been longing to see.

She was frozen. Now that the moment she'd been waiting for had arrived, she didn't know how she should react. There was a strong urge to cry, to yell at them, to ask them what happened, to beg them to stay with her forever.

So conflicted, the only thing she could do was stand still as tears began to fall down her cheeks. They looked so different, but that wasn't what mattered. Ludger was there. And glasses guy was there, too. (Although, he wasn't wearing glasses anymore, so she was going to have to come up with something else to call him.) After spending countless hours praying for their return, her wish had been heard.

The moment he saw the first tear fall, Ludger's arms were around her, pulling her in to hold her close. “Look at you,” he said softly, petting her hair. “You've really grown up if you don't mind crying in front of me like this now.”

“Who would care about something like that?” she yelled, weakly putting a fist against his chest. “You think I care about that when I haven't seen you in ten years?”

Pulling back, she looked up at him through her tear-blurred vision. His skin was pale grey now, his hair completely white. He was wearing something that looked a lot like his Chromatus, but it was all white with a little gold and black throughout. On the other hand, though his skin and hair looked like Ludger's now, Julius's body was black.

“There's probably a lot you want to know,” Julius said, idly petting Rollo who looked right at home in his arms. He looked around at the others, regarding them. “You probably all want to know why we're here and why we look like this now.”

Elle nodded, still clinging loosely to Ludger, afraid to let go of him just yet. There were too many things she wanted to say, too many things she wanted to ask, so it would have probably been easiest if they explained things for everyone gradually. By that point, they had attracted the attention of almost the entire port, but Ludger and Julius didn't appear uncomfortable with that many eyes watching them. Spirits were living more closely with humans since the introduction of spyrites, but full-fledged Spirits were still a rare sight for most people, especially the Elympions who had never seen a single Spirit in their lives. Though they appeared mysterious to the common person, the things that Ludger and Julius had to tell them weren't secrets.

Ludger placed a clawed thumb to his bottom lip and turned his eyes to the sky as he thought. “How to explain... It all began right after I left.”

Julius nodded. “I'll cut to the chase. We didn't want to be reincarnated, so Origin made us an offer. In exchange for the Chromatus, he would recreate us as Spirits, but we also needed to serve him. If we wanted to maintain our selves, we had to repay him for our clan's mistakes and watch over the processes of life and death for him until the purification process became stable again.”

Leia's hands balled into fists. “That isn't fair! You guys had nothing to do with the choices made by your ancestors! L... Ludger did nothing wrong...”

“You're right,” Julius said, smiling softly at his brother. “I was the one with blood on my hands. Ludger should have been free of Origin's orders, but there wasn't much we could do. We didn't want to do anything that could lose us the opportunity, so, even if it took us ten years or a thousand years, we decided that we would do our best to help him so that we could continue to exist as the people you remember.”

Giving a small laugh under her breath, Milla crossed her arms over her chest. “That Origin is a selfish one. You two overcame the Trial. Having witnessed Ludger's pure heart and your resolve, he must have seen you as free labor. I bet Chronos wasn't very happy about it.”

“He wasn't,” Ludger said, grinning shyly. “He cares about Origin a lot, and he gets jealous quite easily, so there's nothing that makes him more jealous than the fact we're able to help Origin in ways that he can't. These forms were created from the ground up, so a portion of Origin's power was given to each of us. While Origin and Chronos seal away the miasma from the hearts of the departed, I help guide purified souls back to life, and brother...”

He appeared uncomfortable with speaking about his brother's work.

“Julius is the one who greets those who have departed,” Milla provided.

Letting out a quiet gasp, Elize covered her mouth with her hands. “That must be difficult...” Rowen put a hand on her shoulder and waited for Julius to explain his feelings on the matter.

“It was my choice,” he said firmly, shoulders squared. Rollo looked up at him with a clear look of sympathy. “I had been surrounded by death my entire life, and that, too, was my choice. I didn't want that for Ludger. Besides,” he said, his features softening. Gently, he resumed petting Rollo. “It's not always that bad. I may not have been here for him at the time, but I was able to see grandfather one last time after he passed. It felt reassuring, being the one to personally see him off to a new beginning. That man did a lot for me, so I felt like sending him off properly was the least I could do to show him my thanks.”

It wasn't that hard to grasp what they were saying, but Elle's mind was still reeling. Her arms were still around Ludger, and she just couldn't comprehend that it was _real_. It didn't matter how they got there or what they had been doing until that moment because she would've accepted them back no matter what. It sounded like they had a very important job alongside Origin now, though. Ludger was there in her grasp, but she was already worrying about when he would disappear again. She didn't want that to happen. Jude always had to deal with Milla alternating between the human and Spirit realms and it seemed exhausting, even if the two of them were frequently occupied with their own work.

She just wanted them to stay.

“But why are you here?” she whispered, just loud enough for Ludger to hear. “Won't he still need you?”

She heard him laugh gently, felt the weight of one of his hands on the top of her head. Feeling her cheeks warming, she looked up at his face and felt her heart twist in her chest at his smile. “Origin is a Great Spirit, you know? The strongest there is, I think. He could handle it all by himself if he wanted to. He just doesn't want it to look like he's giving us special treatment, so he put a few restrictions on us. The process of soul purification has stabilized. I'm sure you could tell for yourself just by looking around. Life is gradually returning to the land. Of course, it's also thanks to your help – for making the world a better place for everyone – that we were able to return.”

All along, she hadn't known what she should do, and it had turned out that her undying belief in him had been all she needed. Trusting in his words, she helped their friends realize their own visions for the world, and, in doing so, she'd helped create a world that Ludger could return to.

Slowly, with a ponderous face, Jude came before them. “I see... I can't help but feel like this is a sign. Origin seemed like the sort who kept his thoughts to himself. He probably wouldn't admit it, but allowing you and Julius to return to the human realm as Spirits feels like a sign of how far we've come. It's taken us a long time, but I can feel it beginning – a time when humans and Spirits can truly live together harmoniously.”

Jude was always wise beyond his years, but now he appeared even stronger and more mature. That change he spoke of could be seen and felt even in the confident way he spoke about it.

“I think you're right, Jude,” Ludger said, wrapping his arms a little more tightly around Elle. “I think he's become very impressed with humans. I feel confident that something like the Trial will never occur again because human lives have meaning to him now.”

“That's our Ludger,” Muzét said sweetly. Floating over to them, she poked Ludger in the cheek like old times and giggled. “I knew that you would be able to impress him. I'm just a little disappointed that I wasn't able to visit you.”

Everyone found that a little strange, that Muzét and Milla hadn't known or told them about Ludger and Julius. If they were Spirits, then it seemed like they should have run into them eventually.

With a little huff, Muzét crossed her arms over her chest. “It couldn't be helped! Origin handles the process of reincarnation far away from where Milla and I would be in the Spirit realm. He's rather secretive, too. Don't you remember? You all had to find Canaan just to meet him. Without Canaan, there's no clear path to where he resides. Though, if Ludger was able to get here...”

He only took his arms away from Elle so that he could wave them around in objection to Muzét's implied suggestion. “We can't show you where it is! He really likes his solitude. He'd throw us back into the void if you followed us!”

She pouted, putting her palms under her chin as she floated horizontally. “We can't let that happen, can we...? Hmph. That's too bad.”

Julius decided to answer Elle's question more clearly. “I think we'll hear from him when we're needed again. We also wanted to know how long we could stay here, but he didn't give us an answer, so it seems like we could be here for a while, if we wish.” He smiled down at Rollo and scratched under his chin. “Which, of course, is what we wish.”

“So you don't... have any particular mission or anything here?” Elle asked.

Ludger shook his head. “No, nothing like that.”

“Then... Then you can come stay with me for a while, right? I-I mean, you probably don't have anywhere to stay while you're here. I still have your apartment! I live there by myself now with Rollo and Pollo! It's a little too big for just one person, so...”

“Do you think we're going to say that we don't want to?” Ludger laughed, ruffling her hair, messing up her tightly tied ponytails.

Julius made a face, concerned with something else she said. “Pollo...?”

She almost completely forgot. The two of them hadn't had a chance to meet Rollo's son yet. Julius looked down at the little one who had followed Rollo, and his eyes widened as he realized who Pollo was. Supporting Rollo with only one strong arm, he bent and picked up the kitten, holding him in one large, clawed hand.

“Rollo's a daddy now?” Ludger said, his voice full of awe, his eyes glimmering with excitement. “Pollo looks just like a little baby Rollo! I can't believe how cute he is!”

Alvin shook his head, smiling all the while. “I'm glad to see that becoming all-powerful, all-important Spirits of life and death hasn't done anything to change you two. You're still the same dumb, cat-loving brothers you used to be, aren't you?”

They both laughed a bit guiltily. They were the same, but that was fine. That was good. In truth, that was what everyone had been hoping for.

“Rollo might be an old man in cat years, but he sure is hanging in there, isn't he? I'm impressed,” Julius said.

They spent so long away that they'd missed out on some of Rollo's best years. Rollo was only three years old when they left, and he was already thirteen now, which was an incredible age for a cat of his size.

Elle hung her head sadly and linked her fingers, hoping that it wouldn't bother them to tell them about his condition. “He's been hanging in there, but he hasn't been as energetic lately. He always loved to take naps, but now he can barely move around the apartment and it's really difficult for him to keep up with us when we go places. I'm glad you came back... when you did.”

She hoped that they understood what she meant. Rollo didn't have much time left in their world. Pretty soon, his little kitty soul was going to be headed to wherever Origin and the brothers took care of reincarnation.

Julius passed Rollo to Ludger, hoisting him into his arms. “You can take care of him, can't you?”

Everyone stared at him in a combination of surprise and disbelief, assuming that he intended to have Ludger abuse his powers over life. Ludger looked down at Rollo, his eyebrows pinching together, troubled.

“I... I don't think I should. Won't Origin be angry if we-”

“Rollo is just a cat,” Julius said. “You aren't going to make any devastating changes to the system if you help him out a little. Just redirect the flow of his mana. Something like this should be child's play for you now.”

“Ten years...” Ludger said to himself softly. It wasn't their fault that they hadn't been able to return, but he clearly regretted the time they had lost with their precious cat. “Rollo, are you fine with the way things are now? Would you like to see another ten years with us?”

Not since the moment when he realized that they were both gone had Elle seen such emotion in Rollo's eyes. Once, the others had told her that Ludger was able to speak to cats, and she thought that they were just joking. Now that he was a Spirit, it really seemed as though Rollo could understand what he was asking him. Or maybe he just understood the depth of the feelings in Ludger's eyes. With a heart-rending meow, Rollo put both of his front paws on Ludger's chest, trying to tell him how much he had missed them.

As everyone in the port watched, Ludger placed Rollo on the ground and stood back. Making a few gestures in the air, whispering some sort of arte to himself, Ludger closed his eyes and a shimmering magic circle appeared around Rollo. Before their eyes, Rollo became younger and younger until he looked as fat and fresh as he did on the day they left.

“Incredible,” Rowen uttered, astonished.

Ludger picked him back up and nuzzled his striped cheek against Rollo's soft tummy. “I can't do something like this for people. Human are delicate and complex and would require about a thousand times the amount of mana required to do what I just did for one little Rollo.”

“There's hardly anything 'little' about Rollo,” Alvin pointed out weakly.

After that, the brothers answered any other questions they had and even answered some of the questions raised by curious bystanders who had never encountered Spirits in person before. Though there was a great gravity to the things they had to say, it felt as though everyone who heard them speak left the port feeling a little more at ease, like they'd realized that there was really nothing for them to fear. Even death seemed less frightening when they discovered that such kind and just-hearted Spirits were watching over the flow of death and rebirth.

She was excited to speak with them on her own, but Elle was also happy to just wait and listen to them as they patiently explained their work and what the Spirit realm was like among many other things. Unexpectedly, she found herself feeling more and more interested in Julius, realizing that he was very different from what she thought he was like when she was younger. Even if he still wore glasses, it would've been rude of her to call him by the same immature nickname she gave him back then. As she listened to him and watched the way he smiled at Ludger, she understood why the two of them were really still alive and together after those ten years. Ludger clearly meant a lot to him; more than the world.

In just his gaze, she could tell. He would've done anything to keep them together.

And, well, anyone who Pollo liked had to be a really good person. She had to laugh as she watched Julius playing with him. Pollo looked so tiny in his hands.

“What are you going to do now?” Milla asked. The crowd hadn't dispersed yet. If anything, they had gained an even larger audience, but the conversation had settled down.

The brothers both turned to look at Elle, and her heart began to beat faster with their attention. She wasn't a kid anymore, but she was so excited.

Julius carefully set Pollo down and he stroked his chin thoughtfully. “...I would really enjoy a tomato omelette, I can't lie. But it has to be homemade. I won't settle for the ones they sell around here. Unless they've changed management, I suspect that they all still taste like water.”

“I thought that Spirits don't need to eat?” Elle asked, confused. Pollo circled around her feet, then went to sniff curiously at his father.

“We don't,” Muzét said. “But there's nothing to stop us, either. Eating is a unique experience for regular Spirits. For Julius and Ludger, I imagine it's a little different because they spent their lives as humans, originally. I bet that one of Ludger's lovingly crafted omelettes would be a very nostalgic taste to his dear brother.”

That reminded her. “I did what you said, Ludger. I always ate my tomatoes. Now I have a whole ton of tomato-inspired recipes. I bet that spending all that time in the Spirit Realm made you rusty, so if you want, I can show you my cooking!” Seeing the somewhat disappointed look on Julius's face, she quickly added, “Or we could have a contest to see who makes a better omelette. Julius can be the judge.”

After all, she wanted to taste Ludger's cooking again, too.

Ludger laughed, entertained by her idea. “Alright, but I hope you know that my brother's going to be biased.”

Making a stubborn face at them to hide his embarrassment, Julius picked up Rollo and shyly floated away toward the bridge.

“There he goes,” Ludger said, amused.

Getting the feeling that this was where they should all part for now, everyone gave Ludger a pat on the back and gave him a few final words. Among them, there was one thing that they all had in common: they were just glad to see him again. Whether they were grateful for his work in the Spirit realm or wanted to reiterate their thanks for what he did for them in the past, it was clear that everyone had missed him in their own way. The only one who had yet to really say anything was Elle, but that was because she knew that it would take her days to say all the things she wanted to say.

“You better go catch up with him,” Milla said, looking over her shoulder at them as she left to join Jude. “I'm sure there's a lot for you three to catch up on.”

Just before they left, Jude looked at Elle and told her that he was happy for her. This moment was important to all of them, but she was glad that someone had stopped to acknowledge her feelings as well.

Milla was the one who encountered the brothers as they made their descent to the human realm, so Elle made sure to thank her for gathering everyone.

Then, with that, after she watched the others disperse around the port, Elle turned to Ludger, finally finding the opportunity to look at him more closely. Something about his appearance reminded her of the kitty man, Chronos, but he looked more human than Chronos did. He could float, but he had feet.

“Do I look weird?” he asked, noticing the way she was staring at him. “People keep looking at me.”

She shook her head, worried that she'd made him uncomfortable. He seemed fine with the attention a while ago. “No, you look fine. No weirder than how you looked when you'd use the Chromatus,” she said, grinning cheekily. Even when he'd used the Chromatus, Ludger had been aware of how strange he looked to other people. But he wasn't a Spirit back then. There were times when someone would look at him and simply mistake him for a monster, terrified of his dark skin and hard, black body. Although he looked very different from the Ludger she remembered, there was something sort of nice about this new appearance – a calming aura he emitted as a governing Spirit of rebirth, maybe.

Also, she noticed that he didn't appear to be a day older than when she last saw him. His face was still that of his twenty-year-old self.

As they began to walk toward the bridge (rather – as she walked and he floated beside her) she realized how unusually comfortable she felt. It wasn't just because of that 'aura' she thought he possessed. It went deeper than that. Walking beside him felt natural, reminding her so much of the old times that it felt like he hadn't even been gone.

It must have felt like such a surprise because she hadn't expected it to be this easy.

“Ten years... felt like a really long time,” she said, tears clouding her eyes despite herself. “But it feels like I just saw you yesterday.”

Suddenly stopping before the doors of Unity Bridge, he landed and pulled her into his arms, giving her the sort of crushing hug that he must've been holding back in front of the others. Remembering the way he held her before he allowed himself to fade away with the fractured dimensions, she was finally unable to hold back any longer either and let out a loud wail, burying her face in his shoulder as she clung to him.

“I'm sorry for leaving you here by yourself for so long. I really missed you, Elle.”

As they crossed the bridge, hand in hand, Elle realized that she wasn't going to need that blue cat doll, after all. She didn't need any substitutes when she had the real article right next to her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to switch to Julius's POV, so here we are. Enjoy!

“Pollo, huh...”

Julius poked the little one's nose, careful not to hurt him with the point at the tip of his finger. Pollo sniffed at him and licked his finger, then settled on top of his chest next to his father. Rollo was still quite fat, but Julius hardly felt his weight, his chest protected by his hard, black outer shell. As he laid on the couch with them, he watched Ludger help Elle wash the dishes. If it weren't for his brother's new appearance, it would've been easy to believe that nothing had changed, that they never left, that this was still their home.

They were in a better place now, though.

There. Here.

The changes the world had undergone had made things better for everyone. Ultimately, as terrible as it sounded, dying had been the escape he'd spent his whole life looking for, freeing him from his human body and the obligations, restrictions, and judgments that came with it. There were humans who still hated Spirits, but he was long used to people's scrutiny. He would rather suffer their judgments as a Spirit than be judged for the way he felt about Ludger.

He was trading one hate for another. He knew that, but, like Jude had said, the human world was already taking its first steps towards accepting Spirits. This world was a fine world, just like the Spirit realm. Wherever there was Ludger, he would be happy. The only perfect world for him was one with Ludger in it.

Pollo meowed loudly to get his attention and Julius chuckled, scratching him lightly under his chin; the same spot where Rollo liked it best, too.

“He's a lot like you, isn't he?” he asked Rollo. Rollo just lifted his head a little and stared at him tiredly. “Fair enough. He does have a lot more energy than you ever had. I guess he really is her cat... Old ones like me 'n' you stay on the couch.”

“Old ones?” Elle asked, turning around with her arms still buried elbow-deep in soapy water at the sink. She must have been listening to him talking to himself. “I know you two don't look a day older than you did when you left, but even if you were still human, you would've only been... What? Thirty-eight? That's... not... _that_ old...”

She started to sound less and less confident in what she was saying as she kept talking. Julius shook his head at her. “Don't think I've forgotten what you used to call me. You always acted like I was an old man, so if you thought that I was old when I was twenty-eight, then I must seem ancient to you now.”

She laughed like she realized she'd been caught. “Hey, your perspective is different when you're a kid. Everybody who's taller than you seems like they must be super old. Isn't that right, Ludger?”

“Huh?” Ludger raised an eyebrow at her, surprised that she expected him to agree. Realizing that she was expecting a serious answer, he dried his hands and leaned against the counter, considering her question more thoroughly. Julius was rather curious what he thought, as well. “I don't know... When I was younger, it was always just me and Julius. He's a lot older than me, but he never really... _felt_ older. I looked up to him and sort of felt like he was my guardian, but he never felt like my father or something. Brother was always brother, like someone totally different from anyone else.”

Although she looked like she hadn't expected an answer like that, Julius wasn't that surprised. He felt the same way about Ludger, always seeing him as his younger brother, but never anything less. He still remembered the moment he fell in love with him, and Ludger's young age hadn't been enough to stop his feelings.

Drying her hands, Elle looked aside, then stood back against the counter, linking her fingers together behind her back. Julius had a feeling that he knew what she was going to say, but he waited, curious to find out how this older Elle had matured, to see whether she was still willing to accept them even if she'd realized their feelings for each other.

“Hey, you know, I'm not surprised that Julius still liked your omelette more, Ludger.” She smiled a little to herself. “I can't compare, especially when it isn't a matter of skill. Your cooking has something that mine doesn't...”

She wasn't necessarily disappointed that he'd liked Ludger's better. Like she said, that much went without saying. The fact that he would enjoy Ludger's more was practically guaranteed from the start even though he'd admitted that hers had a similar taste. There was something about it that reminded him of Ludger's cooking when he was younger; honest and pure. Now, Ludger's food had a more refined taste. It might've just been a simple omelette, but he prepared it as if it were a piece of art. It was filled with all of his feelings, all of his experiences.

Elle's cooking didn't have those sort of feelings, and that made hers special in its own way. It was innocent.

The feelings she had now were innocent, too.

Smiling, Julius rolled the cats into his lap and sat up so he could speak to her properly. “Are you jealous, Elle?”

Her face immediately reddened. “Jealous? Of _who?_ ”

“Of me, obviously.”

At the mere suggestion that she was jealous, she became so red that Julius momentarily worried that she might pass out. It was impossible for her to look at Ludger, so she stared at Julius like she either wanted to hit him or run off and hide, but her reaction was making her even more obvious. So she wasn't able to do anything. She seemed to have something to say, but Julius decided to help her before she made things worse for herself.

“It's fine. Whatever you feel is fine.”

Ludger looked confused, but Julius was sure that he would figure it out. Elle's feelings might not have been love, but they were strong, whatever they were. Like the kind of love he had for Ludger, it was something powerful and without definition, but hers were innocent feelings; immature like her cooking. Even if they became something deeper, the fact that she understood what existed between him and Ludger meant that she would never try to come between them.

It was a little sad. Elle was such a good girl. Ludger had taught her well.

“Wh-whatever,” she mumbled. Turning around, showing him her back, she distracted herself by drying some of the dishes. “Ludger's practically like my dad, so it's not like- I couldn't...”

“'Practically'?” Julius asked, smirking, familiar with the same words he'd used to avoid admitting the truth to himself. “In a sense, Ludger is your father. Anyone who looked at the physical evidence would say that you're related. But you already had a father. Even if he's gone now, someone can't simply take his place like that, so where does that leave Ludger? It puts him into some sort of indefinable category, doesn't it?”

For a few moments, everything was quiet. As they waited for Elle to respond, Ludger looked at him, silently scolding him with his eyes. Ludger didn't approve of him talking about any of that with her, but if he didn't say something now, Julius knew that she would never be happy. Someone had to tell her that the feelings she'd accumulated over those ten years weren't wrong, even if they had nowhere to go.

She turned around more quickly than expected, leaving Julius no time to react as the towel she'd been holding was propelled at his face. It hit its target and slid off in an unceremonious fashion and the cats right away started fighting for it like it was a plaything. Meanwhile, more than the impact of the towel hitting his face, he was struck by the dampness at the corners of her eyes.

“I knew there was a reason I didn't like you... Well? Are you happy? I like him, alright? I like Ludger, too!”

There was no reason for him to be happy, though he was glad that she was willing to admit it while Ludger was standing there to hear it. He had the feeling that Ludger already knew how she felt, but it was another thing for him to hear it for himself.

Still, there was one great difference between them. Julius didn't want her to be confused.

“I love him,” he said, leaving no question of his feelings.

Elle was quiet again, keeping her jaw clenched to keep any tears from escaping her straining eyes. It looked like she was trying to decide whether she were capable of saying the same, even though a big part of her knew that it was impossible. The feelings she had for him were too young; attraction, infatuation, admiration – anything but the kind of love that Julius had towards him.

It was impossible to put a single name on their feelings, but that was why it was so important to compare them, otherwise it would've driven her crazy trying to tell them apart.

Ludger shook his head, giving him a disappointed look, tired of their conversation. “What are you? A child? It sounds like you're trying to prove that you love me more than Elle does.”

He couldn't say that he was wrong.

“It's alright,” Elle said. “I want to stay mad at him, but he's right... He kind of _was_ trying to prove that he loves you more than me, and I think he does. We love you in different ways. The... The way I feel about you isn't the way a daughter should feel about her dad, but I don't think I love you the way that Julius does.” She stopped for a second to awkwardly brush her bangs away from her forehead, shifting her eyes away from Ludger, too embarrassed to look at him. “I don't know how he can stand to say such embarrassing things with a straight face. You two really are a lot alike.”

“Yeah, everyone's always said that,” Ludger agreed, his smile softening. “You aren't too different from us, though. None of us may look much alike, but you can tell we're related by the way we act. I may not agree with brother's aggressive approach, but I agree with what he was getting at. I don't need a daughter. I'd rather have you as whatever you feel you are to me. Make sense? I know it sounds confusing...”

With a little huff, she left the sink and a surprised Ludger and went over to Julius at the couch. For a second, he thought that she was still mad at him, but she leaned down and wrestled the towel away from Rollo and Pollo who were still having a grand time fighting over it. Holding it up, she sighed at the holes that had been torn through it

“Can't dry anything with this thing now,” she sighed.

Ludger weakly lifted a hand, his eyebrows tilted upward, hesitantly curious and concerned. “Elle...?”

“It's fine,” she said. Coming so suddenly after all of that, it naturally made them worry that things weren't fine at all. The ripped towel was better off in the trash, but she folded it up neatly and placed it on the counter, still determined to avoid their eyes. “It's fine,” she said again quietly, her hands lingering on the counter top. “You don't want things to be weird and awkward, right? Better to say these things now than to let it go on for longer. It would only get harder to talk about it that way. Just... After ten years, it kind of feels like a lot to me, even if I know I don't feel the way that Julius does.”

Without it being said, Julius still understood what she was really trying to say. It had been just like he thought. He believed her when she said that she knew that they would be back someday, but there had to be a part of her that was struggling to accept a reality where they would never return. Then, somewhere within that part of her, there was an even smaller part that enjoyed knowing that they may never return so Ludger would never find out about the way she felt. In that amount of time, she must have hoped for all kinds of things, and now she was going to have to find a way to accept the decided reality.

It was a little like what she wanted. The key components were there: him and Ludger. The conflicting feelings that had gathered over that time were struggling to find a place to go, though.

Telling her that her feelings were fine wasn't enough. Having the two of them back wasn't enough. Even if it hadn't been forever, it was going to take time to amend the fact that two of the people she cared about had left her alone. It was going to take more than a few words to make her world feel right again.

Breaking through the tension, Ludger grabbed her and wrapped her up in his arms, smiling and laughing. Letting out a relieved laugh of her own, she returned his hug.

“Nah, this _definitely_ feels weird now!” she laughed.

“Ehh? Really?” Ludger asked, nuzzling his cheek against hers. The rough outer shell that curled around his jaw must not have felt very good because she made faces as she tried to push him away.

“R-really!” she cried, gasping around her laughs, her face red from laughing and struggling to breathe and probably from something else. Giving her a few more persistent nuzzles, Ludger parted from her after placing a kiss to the top of her head.

That was his brother's specialty. Julius felt confident in his ability to speak when he knew what it was he had to say, but he couldn't express his feelings the way that Ludger could. He couldn't help but feel like he was the 'bad cop' of this situation, having to rattle her with all the hard questions, but at least Ludger knew how to make her feel better.

Now that they didn't have the towel to play with, Rollo had laid down on the floor in front of the TV. Pollo rolled after him and tried to get him to pay attention to him by batting at his face, but Rollo had gotten extremely good at ignoring any disturbances. Nothing could bother him while he was trying to nap. The TV was still on, the news playing quietly as ambient noise in the otherwise silent living room. It was nice, just hearing Ludger and Elle laughing and talking to each other, the apartment returning to the atmosphere he once remembered. It was quiet but filled with life.

If this were where Elle had stayed with just her and the cats, then he felt bad. Julius knew that she had the others while they were gone, but if she had to return home by herself... If she had no one else to talk to...

It reminded him of what it was like before he had Ludger. It was a terrible loneliness.

“So, you guys are going to stay tonight, right?”

Julius glanced up, becoming more aware once he realized that she was speaking to him too.

“That's what we intended to do,” Ludger said, nodding. “This _is_ kind of our home, but- I guess it's more your home now, isn't it? You didn't have to keep this place, but I'm glad it's still here. I don't know if I would've felt this at home anywhere else.”

She told him not to worry about it.

Before he had left, knowing that it would probably be the last time he would ever see the apartment, Julius had tried to clean his room as well as he could. He didn't want to leave Ludger with any more troubles than he'd already given him. But when Ludger died, he probably hadn't realized that he would never come back to the apartment. Everything had been left exactly as it had been.

It must have been very difficult for her to part with their apartment room. It was like a time capsule, holding memories of them suspended in time. Gradually, its appearance changed as she lived there. She turned Ludger's room into her own, but she was still hanging on to his clothes. All of their things were still there, even if they'd gotten moved around. She kept it all.

Julius got up from the couch, and Pollo stopped annoying Rollo and came over to curiously prance around Julius's armored feet. “If we're going to be staying for any length of time in the human realm, we might want to dress accordingly. I've gotten used to this form, but being around humans again made me feel like I was wearing a costume. Ludger?”

Ludger looked down at himself, then looked up to Elle to compare. “I think he might be right...”

“You're welcome to any of the clothes in your room, obviously, but...” She gave him a similar once-over. “I don't know if they're going to fit you. Do you really even need to wear clothes? Aren't you sort of dressed already? Or, uh... How does this work, exactly?”

“This is all armor,” Ludger said to help clarify, rapping his knuckles against the hard plate over his chest with a resonant sound. “We can remove some of it, but our general appearance will stay the same. I haven't tried doing it enough to feel confident with it yet, though. If I try it now, I might end up completely naked.”

For embarrassing her again, she socked him in the side. Ludger flinched, but Elle was the one who groaned in pain, waving around her sore knuckles. It looked flexible, so she must not have realized how hard their outer shell was. Laughing apologetically, Ludger guided her back to the sink to soothe her aching hand with cold water.

As Ludger helped her, Julius went to his room. It was already open, the electronic lock on the outside dead after so many years without a change of batteries. Just as he hoped, Ludger had found the documents that led him to his room's passcode, read the letter he left for him inside on his desk. It must've been naïve of him to think that he could die without facing his own secrets, but Ludger hadn't judged him for what he'd written in that letter.

It might've been dead, but just seeing that lock made him want to smash his fist into the number pad and shatter it. His life had been a long series of mistakes, and that lock was one of the first and the worst. If he'd known how they were going to end up, he never would've shut Ludger out.

He knew what he'd wanted to do with Ludger behind that door, and now he'd shamelessly admit it. If only he'd been willing to admit it back then. If only he hadn't let himself worry about what other people would've thought...

“Brother?” Ludger's soft voice asked, suddenly close to his side.

Julius shook his head, placing his hand on the door handle. “Just thinking about turning in for the night.”

“Already?” Elle asked, surprised. “But you don't need to sleep! There's still so much we have to catch up on. Why don't you stay up for longer? We were so busy with dinner, we barely go to talk.”

They'd talked plenty; she and Ludger, at least. There wasn't much that Julius had to say, but recounting the events of their past left him feeling exhausted even if he technically couldn't become tired. It wasn't a physical weariness. Thinking about the world they'd left her in reminded him of what a terrible human being he'd been. It wasn't his love for his brother that made him terrible, and that fact was what kept tearing him apart, even still. There were countless little 'should haves' that kept sticking him in the heart like invisible knives, and it was difficult to pull them out and free himself of them in front of someone else.

He was a hypocrite.

He didn't want her to get lost in the same circle of lies and hidden feelings that he'd been trapped in, but he still couldn't get himself out of it. He was still stuck there.

The way Ludger was looking at him, he could tell that his brother knew what he was thinking about. There wasn't a way for him to continue hiding things when Ludger knew what each of his expressions meant now. The tiredness in his eyes told Ludger everything he needed to know.

“We aren't going anywhere this time, Elle,” Ludger said, smiling at her like it was a promise. “We have all the time in the world now, so there's no need to say everything at once. Brother probably doesn't want to say it, but seeing the apartment for the first time in this many years is probably what wore him out. I can't say I don't share the same feeling. It's... kind of overwhelming.”

Drawing the sad conclusion, Elle's excitement dropped. Her hands went to her sides where they hung loosely. “Yeah... You guys did... die, in a way...” She lifted one hand to rub her other arm. “It must be hard to come back and see that everything has moved along.”

The words 'without you' were left out, but Julius could still hear them. Ludger was just trying to cover for him, but Elle was right with everything she said. But that was just the nature of the world. There wasn't anything else he expected – he knew that the world would still be turning even if he and Ludger weren't in it.

It was difficult, yes, but the only world that mattered to him was the world with Ludger. Wherever they could be together was where he wanted to be. It didn't matter if that place were in the human realm or the Spirit one.

After a few more words, Elle shut herself in the bathroom to get ready for bed. Noticeably, she hadn't questioned where Ludger intended to stay, even though she had taken his room. She probably figured that he would be staying in Julius's room and hadn't wanted to bring it up after the things they'd talked about before. When Julius was still human, it would have disturbed him greatly thinking about the fact that he was fighting with his niece over his brother, and, though the thought did still disturb him somewhat, he was more worried about whether Elle would be alright. It wasn't that he thought he could change the way she felt. On the contrary, after accepting the unwavering nature of his own feelings for Ludger, he knew that no one could change the way she felt.

It was ingrained in them deeper than blood; coiled around their family like a curse.

He knew himself. That was how he knew what she was thinking.

“Tired, huh?” Ludger asked.

Inside the room with him, Julius released a breath and leaned his back against the door. He must have been standing there for a whole minute before Ludger decided to say anything. Ludger was sitting on the bed, his feet on the floor, his hands hanging between his knees. The reason why he hadn't said anything yet was probably because he was also thinking deeply.

His weariness had been more of an excuse to escape and be alone with Ludger for a while, but now it felt too real. It made his armored body feel too heavy, made his knees feel too weak to support him. Sitting there on his bed, Ludger wasn't looking much better, either. When he looked up at him, he was smiling, but there was something off about it. His eyes didn't have their usual light, but they glistened.

“When you installed the lock on your door, it made me really curious, you know,” Ludger said, recalling a time from years ago when Julius had only been about sixteen or seventeen. “I couldn't figure out the password, but trust me – I tried. I really wanted to know what big brother was hiding in his room, but... Ah...” The corners of his mouth fell as his breath hesitated over his words. “When I finally opened the door and found this room looking so empty compared to my own... It made me wonder how much there was that I didn't know.”

“Ludger...”

“I kept thinking, 'he does so much for me, I can't pry into his business,' but it made me wish that I had been braver. If I had asked you more questions, if I found out more back then before it was too late... Maybe I could've helped fill this room with good things.”

That letter he left should've explained everything. None of that was Ludger's fault. He had no choice but to keep secrets from him. Back then, he thought that it was absolutely necessary for him to hide things.

Because he had no idea that Ludger could love him this much.

It was just pointless to question what things would've been like if they had done things differently. He knew that Ludger was aware of that, too. Ludger had spent many days in the apartment by himself. This place had always been empty, even when they thought they were together, holding nothing but their memories and unspoken feelings; all invisible.

Being there again made it too painful to not say _something._

Coming over, standing in front of him, Julius placed a hand on Ludger's head and gently stroked his hair. “It wasn't your fault.”

“Of course it was! We didn't have to die!” Ludger shouted, gesturing, startling Julius with how loudly he yelled when he knew that Elle was still nearby. There was more on his tongue, but it looked like the words just wouldn't come, like he realized how futile it was to say anything at this point and was too tired of it to even form a thought into a sentence. Ludger looked at him, shaking his head sadly, and dropped his hands to the bed. “We were so stupid.”

Julius sat down beside him and pulled him close with an arm around his waist and rested his cheek against the top of his head. “Yeah. We were. More than dying, that's the part that bothers me. Even when I was still alive, I think I knew how stupid I was being, but I couldn't stop. I tried thinking about things differently, but it was like I was stuck, being driven down one course. After seeing how many alternative dimensions there were, I thought that I must've had some control over my own life, but, even in the end, I felt like I had just been playing a part. Am I just running away again if I let myself believe that things happened the way they were meant to...?”

“I don't know,” Ludger said softly, one of his hands finding its way to one of Julius's, his fingers sliding against his palm, holding his hand loosely. “Even if that weren't true, I can't blame you because I think it's easier to think about it that way. If we want to keep ourselves from repeating our mistakes, I think the best thing we can do is to try to not be stupid anymore.”

There was a beat, then they both started laughing.

“That sounds like it's going to be easier said than done. You know I have a tendency to be stupid,” Julius laughed, turning to nuzzle Ludger's hair.

As they laughed, Ludger fell back onto the bed with him, allowing Julius to get on top of him and straddle him with his arms resting on either side of his head. He might've had a witty reply ready, but all words were swept away as they stopped in that moment to look at each other. Things were different now, and their appearances appropriately reflected the way their lives had changed, but, when Julius looked at his younger brother, he still couldn't help but think about how beautiful and perfect he was.

The silence was filled with the sound of the shower running across the room and the quiet, alternating sounds of small insects outside their window.

It was really something; the realization that this room wasn't just his anymore.

“It sounds like summer,” Ludger said, closing his eyes with a peaceful smile.

Leaning down, Julius gave him a small kiss and rolled to the side to lay next to him. He looked down at himself, at the body that he was now used to yet still looked strangely unfamiliar. Looking up again, he took another look around the room that should have looked familiar but felt strangely distant. It was hard to say who he was anymore, but having Ludger by his side made him remember.

He blindly searched out Ludger's hand and held it just to feel it in his own. Their hands felt disproportionately large with the thick outer shells, but he could still feel Ludger's warmth.

“So what do you think about staying here?” he asked, turning slightly to face him.

Ludger turned over and moved close enough to nudge his head against his shoulder. “It's fine, isn't it? I'd like to stay a while if that's good with you, too. I want to do some of the things I didn't get to do before. I want to try new recipes with Elle, and I want the three of us to go to the beach, and I want to help out all the others, too – with you this time.”

There was something unusually romantic about the thought of fighting monsters alongside his brother, but he didn't like the idea of him being in danger. They were powerful Spirits now, but that didn't make them invincible. Milla Maxwell and her band had a habit of attracting cosmic trouble and he didn't want them getting involved in that anymore. As Kresniks, their luck was bad enough already. But... If Ludger continued to give him the same hopeful look that he was giving him now, there was no way he'd be able to turn them down.

“Okay, but keeping you safe is my priority, whatever we do,” Julius said.

“You can big-brother me all you like. Anything you do is fine as long as you don't tell me to stay behind.”

Accepting his defeat, Julius moved in for another kiss. It was the least he deserved when Ludger played with his delicate heart. “Good,” he said, punctuating it with another quick kiss. “Because I know that you're strong now, but that's not going to stop me from wanting to protect you. I'll try not to, but don't be surprised if I try to handle everything by myself. It's what I'm used to. I think I've gotten better about sharing the weight with you, but...”

“I'll keep an eye on you,” Ludger said, giving him a sympathetic look. “I know how you think now. I'll be watching out for you, too. That's what family is supposed to be like. I'll have my eye on you, so even when you find it too difficult to say what's on your mind, I'll be there, and I'll know.”

When had he gotten so mature and insightful? Somewhere along the way, Ludger had turned into the grown up one.

Ludger sat up and pulled him along with him, bringing him up to sit in the middle of the bed. “No more of that for now. I know how much you love brooding, and I'm not going to let you get stuck in that circle right now, okay? Let's think about other things... like what we should do about the way we look. I... could try to take off my outer shell. I don't know how much I can remove yet.” He trailed off, getting more embarrassed, his pale grey cheeks turning pink.

They weren't able to keep their hands to themselves even in the Spirit realm, so they had an idea of how their armor worked. It felt like Chronos and Origin were always watching them, though, so it wasn't easy to remove all of it without the worry of getting caught. Those two probably didn't care about what they did with each other, but he and Ludger preferred their privacy, so the armor stayed on most of the time – at least partially.

“Alright. I'll try it,” Julius said. No need to make Ludger try it first. He didn't feel like embarrassing him further.

It only took a little bit of focus to remove it when they wanted, clearing their minds to envision their appearance without the thick shell that surrounded the fragile body beneath. Taking a breath, Julius closed his eyes and did just that, thinking about the way he used to look when he was undressed, remembering the feeling of his bare skin. Within moments, he felt the weight of the armor disappear and opened his eyes to find himself without it; nothing but pale grey skin and yellow and black stripes that stretched over his arms and thighs.

Ludger's fingers looked like they were itching to touch him, clenching and unclenching in the sheets on either side of him.

“Well,” Julius said, somewhat disappointed with the transformation, simultaneously amused. “I look like a corpse now, but at least I could wear regular clothes this way. I don't know how I feel about it, but you look like you're into it.”

“You always look really good,” Ludger mumbled, trying not to stare, failing.

Julius had to laugh as he watched his brother fidget. “Try to get yours off, too. I'm going to look for something for a second.”

Ludger closed his eyes and put his hands in his lap. His brows pinched together in the middle of his forehead as he tried to concentrate on visualizing himself without his white armor. While he worked on that, Julius got up and went to search for what he had in mind. Curious, he detoured to his closet first and was immediately assaulted by the heavy scent of dust inside when he opened it. Any clothes he had in there would need a serious cleaning before he'd be able to wear them again. It didn't look like moths had gotten to any of it, but he wondered if it would be easier to buy some new clothes instead. He'd need something to wear in the meantime, until they could be washed, so perhaps they could go shopping...

Shutting the closet door tightly, he shook his head to shake the dust out of his senses and went over to his shelf to look for what he was really searching for. He pulled open one of the drawers at the bottom of it. Elle had probably snooped through all of their things, but he was glad to find that most things in his room had been kept where he left them. That even included his lubricant.

“I've almost got it,” Ludger announced. Julius turned to check his progress and was amused by what he saw. Ludger's torso was freed, but his legs and arms were still encased. His eyes were shut, his teeth gritted, working very hard on making the other parts disappear. “It's cuz I can't stop thinking about how hot you look. It's messing me up. I just keep picturing you instead of myself.”

“Try to imagine that you're taking it off like you're taking off your shoes,” Julius suggested.

That must have helped. The armor surrounding his legs and feet vanished, and, after a few more moments of silence filled with the most loud concentration, the pieces around his arms were gone as well, and Ludger was left totally bare.

“Good job.”

Ludger rubbed the back of his neck and tried to position his legs to keep himself modest. He kept glancing at him and Julius finally had to tell him that it was alright to stare. Although he found it difficult to speak his mind sometimes, dying had made him stop caring about things like this. Besides, they were brothers – and more than that. Being naked in front of him was nothing unusual.

“Oh, so... What was it you were looking for?” Ludger asked, his eyes flicking here and there, fighting to keep them on Julius's face despite his invitation to stare.

Sadly, Julius held up the tube that he'd been searching for. Giving it a squeeze around the middle, it gave a crunchy kind of noise that explained why he looked so disappointed. “I found this right where I left it, but it's totally dry now. I guess the kind I bought doesn't last forever. I was hoping we could enjoy ourselves tonight, but it looks like we won't be having _that_ kind of fun until we can buy some new stuff.”

“We can still do other things without it!” Ludger said eagerly, afraid that he was suggesting that they couldn't do anything without it.

After tossing the dry tube into the trash bin, Julius joined him on the bed again. Crawling into the middle with him, he put his hands on Ludger's chest and eased him back until he was laying down on his back. “Don't worry, baby brother. I'm thinking what you're thinking.” Dipping his head, he ran his tongue languidly along Ludger's bottom lip and was invited to a deeper kiss as Ludger wrapped his arms behind his neck and pulled him closer, sealing their mouths together. All of his troubling thoughts floated away as he felt Ludger's tongue stroking his own, sensually rolling around it, his lips occasionally sucking, reminding him that Ludger wasn't as innocent as he looked.

Back then, he never would've guessed how much Ludger had wanted to kiss him like that.

Just knowing that Ludger loved him the way that he loved him made his heart pound happily. They were finally in a position where they could do things like this without worrying about judgment. Human laws couldn't bind their spirits.

“B-brother, wait,” Ludger gasped, his lips against Julius's. Julius instantly stopped and looked down at him, waiting for him to speak. Nervous, Ludger directed his eyes toward the door. “...Is it locked? Do you think Elle is going to be able to hear us?”

The thought hadn't escaped him. “She's a curious girl, but I have the feeling she knows what we're going to be up to in here if the door is closed. As for whether it's locked... The battery on my lock died, so if you really want to ensure our privacy, I'm going to have to get some batteries tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow...”

That was what he said. “I don't think there are any stores open at this hour. If there were, I'd run out and get some new lubricant for us, too.” He looked up at the ceiling, thinking deeply about his life. “Batteries and lubricant... If I bought just those two things by myself, I wonder what the cashier would think of me.”

“They'd have the right impression,” Ludger said, trying to not laugh outright.

“Your inhibitions died when you died, didn't they? What happened to my innocent brother?” Julius joked, nuzzling his neck. His gentle nuzzling quickly became more adventurous as his lips slid over Ludger's skin, closing around the sweet protrusion of his throat, sucking and kissing up to his jaw. Their bodies were more resilient, but, if he wanted, he could probably still leave some marks on Ludger that would last for a while. He didn't feel like disturbing Elle any more than he already had, though. He knew how furious and jealous he would have felt if he saw marks on Ludger left by someone else, so he decided that he needed to cut her some slack.

When he pulled back and sat up to look at him, Ludger was already panting and sweating. Dragging his eyes down his body, Julius's eyes fell on his cock and felt his own respond when he saw his brother's twitching to life. It was too bad that he would never be able to see Ludger's light, lust-flushed skin, but there was something erotic about his new body and its grey tone. The black and gold stripes over his arms and thighs were an interesting, almost feline addition. They looked a little like tattoos, but they shimmered luminously with an ethereal glow; beautiful lights against his dark skin.

And between his legs... His cock darkened and became somewhat redder around the tip as blood rushed to the spot, just like the way his cheeks reddened when he became embarrassed. Julius fought the urge to sink between his knees, confident that Ludger wouldn't be able to hold down his voice if he tried using his mouth on him.

All he knew was that he wanted to touch him. He wanted to touch him in every possible way, to feel him for all the days he kept himself from touching him.

As he thought to himself, he stroked one of Ludger's thighs, feeling a special kind of pride welling up inside as he watched the way it made him squirm. “What did you have in mind, Ludger? If it's within reason, I'm willing to do whatever you want.”

“I...” Ludger shifted his hips and put his hands on his chest, curiously touching his new body. “I don't know. There's a lot of things we can do, but all I know is that I really want to touch you.”

Julius smiled and laid down beside him and put an arm around him to draw him nearer. “I was just thinking the same thing,” he said, kissing his cheek. “Let's just start with this, then.”

If touching were what they both wanted to do, then they could start there, simply, and feel their way toward what felt right. Of course, Julius wanted to be inside of him, but that could wait now that they had the time to look forward to it. Just as quickly as the thought of that had entered his head, he imagined what it would feel like to have Ludger on top of him and he surprised himself with how greatly he enjoyed the idea. Though he hadn't spoken a word aloud, his mouth preoccupied with Ludger's, his thoughts hadn't gone without notice. Ludger must have felt him hardening against his leg. When Ludger looked up at him, there was a curious, mischievous glint in his eyes.

“What are you thinking about, brother?” Ludger asked, sliding a hand between them, boldly grasping his cock.

Julius moaned softly, pressing his forehead against Ludger's as he began moving his hand. There were some things he was okay with saying out loud, but he had to fight to get the words out. It was all a part of the moment, and he knew that Ludger would enjoy hearing what he was thinking. “Sometime, I want to try it with you on top. I think that might be pretty good.”

“M-me, huh?” As Ludger's surprise melted away, it was replaced by an intrigued smile. “That does sound pretty good. I really like feeling you on top of me because you're so much bigger. I like feeling your weight rocking against me, holding me down, but... Being on top of you sounds good, too. If I could make you make half of the sounds you make me make, then I'd feel really successful.”

“You're up for the challenge?”

“I want to try everything with you,” Ludger said, kissing him firmly with closed lips, releasing him as he drew back to look into his eyes. “I want to discover every part of you here in this room, on your bed. It'll be like what I always dreamed about.”

Hearing him say that made him even harder. It still sounded like a dream come true, hearing Ludger say that he harboured so many indecent thoughts about him when they lived together. From the time he was little, Ludger had looked at him with grown up eyes. It turned him on now, but it would've turned his stomach back then.

Ludger touched him the way Julius had touched him before; slow and exploratory, searching his new skin with the tips of his fingers, feeling him in a way that was totally different from the way that things felt when their fingers were encased in their thick outer shells. Like wearing steel gloves, it kept them from feeling sensations normally. Unless they needed that extra layer of protection, they could probably stay like this for as long as they liked. Their pallor and markings aside, it would help them blend in with humans to go without it. Julius was happy as long as he could see his brother's smile, but he did enjoy seeing the sensitive skin beneath Ludger's hard, white armor.

“You're beautiful, Ludger,” he said, reaching out to touch his hair, feeling the soft, white strands whisper through his fingers.

Before he could draw his hand away, Ludger was chasing after it, silently begging him to keep touching him. As he wished, Julius reached out with both hands and ran them through his hair and rubbed his scalp, caressing the back of his head down to his neck. Ludger sighed, his hands stilling against Julius's chest. “Mn- We keep stealing each other's thoughts,” Ludger said, his words falling from his lips lazily, his eyelids drooping as he indulged in the things Julius was doing with his hands.

Gradually, their bodies came to be pressed against each other, and Ludger let out a gasp loud enough to make Julius realize that he no longer heard the sound of the shower. Any sounds they made now would definitely be heard through the walls. If they hoped to stay at the apartment for any extended amount of time and do these kinds of things with Elle nearby, they were going to have to get better at doing things quietly.

Julius placed a finger against Ludger's lips and made sure that he had his attention. “Would you like it if I turned off the lights before we continue?” he asked.

Ludger pressed himself against him adamantly, rubbing his petite cock against Julius's. A little bit of precum was already gathered at the tip and made their skin slide together with a wet sound. “No,” he said, “I want to see you.”

They repositioned themselves again, moving up the bed so that Ludger's head rested comfortably on the pillow. At the moment, there was only one. The next day, Julius was going to have to remind himself to get another. From that moment, his room was going to belong just as much to Ludger. From that moment, for as long as they stayed there, he would be able to look at him beneath him in this way and watch him beg for him.

That was one of the parts that he enjoyed, but he hadn't forgotten about what Ludger said he enjoyed, as well. Supporting himself with his knees on either side of Ludger, he rested himself down on top of him so that Ludger could feel his weight pressing on him.

That did just the thing. Ludger stifled a whimper and closed his eyes as he rutted against him, reaching up to grasp Julius's hips as he let go of his self-control and rubbed himself against his cock. Julius let him, more than glad to relinquish his control for a change, letting Ludger do as he pleased. The soft, desperate sounds Ludger made stoked the fire within him and made him wish that he could release the furious passion that had been suffocating under all of his old moral inhibitions without tearing the room apart.

One of the hands Ludger had been using to grip his hip moved lower, behind him, and almost made Julius lose his balance when he felt his brother's fingers tracing his entrance.

“What are you doing?” he said heatedly, trying to keep his voice down.

That mischievous look had returned. “Giving you a taste of what's to come?” he said, quirking one of his jagged eyebrows.

“You can't put them inside,” he reminded him. He could feel his body really heating up, responding to even the implication of Ludger putting his fingers inside of him. Imagining what they would feel like when they were slick and wet made him want to groan, but he held his tongue and pressed his forehead down against Ludger's shoulder.

“I know that,” Ludger said, soothing his hip and backside with his other hand. “I tried a lot of things when I was alone, so I know how to make it feel good even without putting them inside.”

Julius hated that he hadn't been strong enough to embrace him back then, but at least there were certain good things that came out of it. As Ludger promised, he must have really put all of that time alone to good use. His touch was light and easy, but Julius could already feel its effect; a tingling warmth that began beneath Ludger's fingertips and slowly coursed deeper, reaching a part of him that he didn't even know could be felt from outside.

He heard Ludger giggle to himself, sounding pleased.

As he rubbed two gathered fingers against the spot just above his entrance, Ludger leaned in to kiss the corner of his mouth. “Feel good? Did I find it?”

It was an undeniably familiar feeling. The more Ludger moved his fingertips around that spot, massaging in a sensuous, clockwise motion, the more it throbbed inside of him. Ludger was still moving his own hips as well, languidly rubbing their cocks against each other. Although it wasn't perfect, the brief moments of contact made him swell even harder. The second he let his thoughts begin to drift, his mind foggy with the pleasant sensations, he felt himself suddenly begin to slip and almost came despite himself, his cock leaking a surprising amount of precum.

“Is that a 'yes'?” Ludger asked, amused.

He hadn't even realized that he hadn't answered, he'd been so focused on the feeling.

“Yeah,” he finally said, his words coming out around a hot breath. “It feels good, but...”

But it could be better. As close as he was to coming, he knew that it would feel even better if Ludger were stimulating him from the inside.

“Tomorrow,” Ludger promised. He removed his fingers for a second to put both of his hands on Julius's hips and rolled him off of him so that they could lay more comfortably, side by side. Hooking one of his legs around his, locking them together at the knee, he pulled himself close again and took them both into his hand at the same time. After teasing each other so thoroughly, they were both dripping, and Ludger's hand made obscene noises as he moved it quickly over their joined cocks.

Somehow, that sound was even more lewd than the sounds they would make themselves, and he prayed that Elle wasn't able to hear.

He pushed that thought from his head and tried to not think about it. When he focused and glanced up at Ludger's face, he found him staring back at him with a face that was obviously begging to be kissed. His lips looked so inviting and his eyes were lidded with a lustful, distant expression. Julius reached up to touch his face, feeling infinitely fascinated by his new skin and the golden stripes on his cheeks.

Ludger hummed against his lips as Julius stroked his jaw, and he began moving his hand more quickly. The quickening pace of his breaths meant that it wouldn't be much longer for him, and Julius could tell that he was going to be right behind him – that is, until Ludger's free hand found its way around him and began searching out that spot again, the clever tips of his fingers rubbing small circles just above his entrance, pressing _just_ hard enough to make Julius's vision go blurry for a moment.

“That's- Ludger, that's...”

He felt Ludger's triumphant smile, tasted his laugh.

Blind-sided, within seconds, he was coming, shooting hard all over Ludger's stomach. He wrapped his arms around him tightly and buried his face in his shoulder and held his breath to keep himself from yelling. Even as the tremors began to subside, Ludger continued to stroke them together, coaxing a little more from him. It was almost too much, but he still wanted more. Even if they stopped after one round, he wanted to make sure that Ludger felt as good as possible, so he removed his brother's hand and replaced it with his own, holding them together firmly, stroking with his fist tightly closed around them.

“B-brother-” Ludger stuttered and gasped and finally shut his eyes, clenching his teeth as he bucked up into his hand to meet his strokes one last time, coming powerfully.

Letting Ludger breathe, Julius removed his hand and moved aside to get them some tissues. When he returned with them and began cleaning them up, he noticed that Ludger was still somewhat hard, but neither of them said anything about it, rathering to wait until they could do things properly before they attempted to indulge in anything further.

A few minutes of blessedly peaceful silence followed with Ludger's head pillowed on his chest and nothing but the sounds of their breathing and the rhythmic chirping of insects outside the windows.

At last, when the silence was broken, it was by Ludger who said, “I love you.”

Julius agreed with a warm hum that carried the feelings directly from his heart. “I love you too, Ludger.”

After a few more moments passed, Julius quietly excused himself from the bed and went to the door. Ludger watched him curiously as he opened it. He must have been worried about what he was doing, going around naked like that, but Julius didn't open the door all the way. Cracking it open just enough to wave a hand into the living room, he peeked out and called Rollo's name. For a second, he thought that Pollo was coming toward him, but the tiny cat went over to Elle's door and began scratching on it, begging to be let in.

Worried that he'd be seen, he waved more frantically at Rollo, begging him to come over. As if he finally realized what Julius was doing, he let out a happy meow and waddled over and slipped his fat body through the cracked door. As soon as he was in, Julius closed it and let out a sigh. Even when it was just him and Ludger living in the apartment, he never would have worried that heavily about walking into the living room naked. Despite his feelings, it wouldn't have seemed like a big deal if it were his brother who saw him, but Elle still felt like a little girl to him in certain regards. That, and he didn't want one of her first impressions of him on their first day back to be formed by seeing him naked.

When he turned back around, he found Ludger at the window, leaning on the sill with it open, the blinds up.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

Rather than answer, Ludger responded with a question of his own. “Did you ever open this window? Even when I came in here last, it felt stuffy and the blinds were closed. Did you not like looking outside?”

Maybe not. It was something like that.

“The night is beautiful,” Julius said by way of explanation. After turning off the lights, he picked up Rollo and went to the window and sat down beside Ludger. Rollo squirmed in his arms, trying to have a look outside for himself or maybe just hoping to catch one of the bugs he could hear buzzing around outside somewhere nearby.

“Yeah,” Ludger agreed quietly, his eyes fixed on the clouds illuminated by the light of the moon. “It sort of makes me want to cry. I don't know why... Maybe it's because it makes me realize that I never got to have many moments like this together with you. I don't know why I keep looking back at my life like it's gone now, though. We're still here. I'm here with you right now, so we can still have many moments like this with each other.” His words stopped abruptly and he looked aside with an embarrassed face. “S-sorry. Did that sound stupid...?”

Julius leaned over to kiss his cheek and Rollo slipped out of his arms to go claim his spot on the bed.

“Not stupid at all. I'm glad for this time that we have together now, too. You were always the one thing that filled my life and made it worth living. I think you could tell just by having a look around my room; there wasn't much else I cared about. That's why, now, I'd be happy to let you decorate this room. I want to feel you everywhere. Each morning, I want to hear you and Elle and smell your cooking.” He moved closer so that he could wrap his arms around him, and Ludger returned his embrace, leaning against his chest. “From now on, I'm going to focus on the future.”

_I want to let this happiness keep expanding._

It didn't matter anymore what mistakes he had made in the past. Those mistakes would become stepping stones, there for him only to catch his fall to keep him from repeating them, to push him towards better decisions.

And Ludger wouldn't let him fall back into his old ways. He could tell in the way Ludger held him, his embrace reassuring.

Ludger pulled back so he could turn around and lay with his back against his chest. He closed his eyes, took a breath, and opened them again to look up at the sky and the stars partially hidden beneath the thin clouds.

“There are a lot of adventures out there.”

It made Julius smile. “I wonder what sort of tales await us now?”


End file.
